ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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