I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
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In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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