I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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