she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
