I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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