I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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