he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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