Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
