I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
