Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
