Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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