I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
