Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
