3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
