First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
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