I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
