i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
