batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
