he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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