hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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