I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
