Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
