you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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