I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i barfeds in our rink
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
