I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
