I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
