I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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