Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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