if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
