I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
