A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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