I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
