The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
