careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
