Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
