he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
