How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
