He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
