Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can text with my tongue
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
