Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
