I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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