When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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