Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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