Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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