Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
