Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
