needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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