You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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