he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
