Have you finally orgasmed yet?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
