Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
the liver wants what the liver wants
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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