also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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