Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I stole a fireplace last night.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
