one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
