Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
