Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
