Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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