$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize