is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
