i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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