I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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