I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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