Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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