PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
