nut hugger
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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