saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
