She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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