put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
