you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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