The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
