I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
