I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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