I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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