and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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